O! what a rogue and peasant slave am I!

15 08 2010

The smell of incense is strong, floating in the room like mist. It supposed to help concentration an relaxation although so far it effect is next to non existent. I suppose relaxing is not what I am best at, quite the opposite to be true. And trying with incense and classical music is not helping.
I like classical music though, a lot, for a number of reasons and a lot of them are related to nice memories from my childhood.

Today I found myself writing about myself as an object. It was quite fun. I suppose that certain dynamics are involved in a feeling of ownership and feeling as an object is one of them? Possibly. Of course the easy step is to compare object vs human being: one supposedly has a degree of will while the other one is simply passive. Is that passivity the lure? Or is more the thought of being owned totally, like an object that one states as belonging to oneself?

Object or human being, that is the question. The first precludes any will while the second involves action and thinking and maybe even something like stating a preference and claiming to have its own peculiar tastes.
Am I ready for that? Am I ready to give up my free will and be just “used”, giving up control in every possible way?
The answer is, of course, no. Although I might like it as a fantasy, and like it a lot as that, I can’t stand it for real.

Interesting finding, boring post. I like, I don’t like, It’s boring, is not boring.
This is the stuff of human being, isn’t it? Good slaves should say only “Thank you Sir” and that’s it.
I can’t.
I guess that makes of me, somehow, rather a failure.

What a novelty, anyway.

That is a sweet memory. I loved that album when I was young, very young, and foolish and even if I wasn’t happy, the music was just making its magic on me and everything seemed possible and everything was true.
Then what happened? When I lost the faith in the future?
That is the question.
If you’ll ever find that question, you’ll find what holds me back.
You’ll free me from myself.