it’s simple, you’re mine and you need me.

29 04 2010

Here I am, on my knees with my orange underwear on. something I am somehow learning to love. Here I am again speaking about what’s happening even if I don’t have any clue about it and more than everything I don’t know where it will lead me.

So, they say, the life of a slave is a life of pain, isn’t it? We already saw how magic and deep the pain can be, we already settled that the ordeal path is not that far from.
What I missed to understand it there are kinds of pain I could never imagine. And one of them is making me sitting here right now writing this short post… the focal point is need. I know I need my Master, I feel it now, deeply. So deeply that it’s a pain, a real pain. When the feeling goes right to the mind a bell sounds and consciousness regain his kingdom and the pain is doubled: the intense pain of that need and the even intense pain of the somehow weirdness of that feeling that comes straight from the conscious mind.
it’s a clash of titans, the need, the willingness to serve and to please, the pleasure of being dominated against the set of rules that we all have stuck inside our head.
it’s indeed a magnificent battle to see. a little less to feel under your own skin. the Ego is powerful and gigantic, while the dark hopes that fight against it are small in comparison but many.

I feel hung. Like the proverbial hunged man I am blind and throw on the verge of something I cannot see or comprend or to a certain extent enjoy. There is something inside me that screams for help and you can hear his voice only when I am not there, only when I am somewhere else. And that something feels and screams in ways I am not used to and I don’t know it’s name.
But it’s there and the pains of that needs it feels allĀ  together quite quite bittersweet, still are pains nonetheless.

I can’t believe, simple as it is. Can’t believe. And again is hard to admit to myself, almost near to impossible to understand. Yes I shall go on for the path is just begun. I can’t say if it’s right or wrong, I’ll find out at the end I guess.

Rescue me, the storm is coming.

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