On Virtues and limits – vivisection of an epiphany

23 05 2013

I lack the virtue of moderation. This is all and everything about me. You don’t need to know more.
The truth, pure and simple: in my core I am boundless, I cannot be contained. Like a wild animal, like a river, I am bold and exaggerated in everything I do.

This whole is the point from where everything originated, especially my way to deal with what needs to be done and what shouldn’t be done.
Having no moderation means that sometimes I do silly things because my drive is to go above and behind, I am a traveler of deep space where the goal is the unknown, I like to break rules maybe – especially if nobody punishes me.
So, again, this is the core of my behavior being boundless, unconsidered. If I eat I will eat all, if I read I read it all, if I fuck I want to fuck it all, if I buy I buy everything if I spend I spend. Nothing else has interest for me.
I cannot understand or cope with mediocrity. Every single thing I see and feel is so special and weird that I cannot understand how people can be mediocre or mean. Everything could be so beautiful.
But this comes with a price and that price is harsh to pay… therefore I learnt in the past to be sensible, to don’t do silly things, to stop myself.
But this is all wrong.
I shouldn’t stop myself, I should be “stopped” by someone, like a wild animal in a cage somehow – the beauty I have is all in my intensity and if I try alone to castrate my intensity, I will become something sad and dry… but if someone cultivates this intensity – making it blossom, suddenly it makes sense.
I could go deeper in me, release my true self, because I would know I would always have someone who is capable of stopping me when I would go too far. This is the reason I am a slave, I want to be free.

 

 

But freedom is extreme.

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