It might be time

3 07 2011

In considering my actual situation I have to take into account a couple of vital questions: am I leading a slave life? Am I trying out what being a slave means? The question to both answers is sadly and obviously negative hence it put me in an akward situation.
Giving that in trying to pursuing this life style I always tend to do the same things I did in the past, the same errors repeated over and over, I am even more usure anything will happen anytime soon. Certainly there are no epiphanies on the horizon since so far things are working out pretty badly, maybe just the possibilites of a little bit of excitement and the usual sexual arousal we all have to experiment every now and again.
For the matter, I am at the moment quite horny as it happens even to me every now and again but I am keeping myself somehow chaste… the desire, the longing for a certain kind of sex or session is somehow sweeter than simply wanking off a xtube video and anyway the general feeling I have after that kind of orgasms it’s just a sort of athletical achiement. It’s nice but could be better. It could be earned.

I came to think if the instrument I am using to find people interested in this lifestyle are somehow wrong. The websites offering this sort of satisfactions are indeed for the most just a collection of wankers – more or less – and any sort of meeting is extremely difficult to se up, not to mention the fact I need a neutral drink before any sort of activity – a sort of benchmark of whom I am supposed to serve.
Maybe I should go out more, but if so where and how? Certainly this city is full of fetish clubs and avenues but the idea of me going alone in one of this places somehow sounds a bit odd… shy as I am I would probably end up being a perfect flowerpot – certainly a sort of allure for someone but maybe not for the kind of men I need lol. Because, indeed, I can see it’s a need, a deep need not just a fantasy.
Somewhere though is stuck in my brain an idea of what should happen, how it should be and it’s hard to meet my expectiations because not even I meet them.
I would like to be the slut I am supposed to be, always horny and ready. But I am not. I am still a human being. Dammit! 🙂

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