It’s all about change kid

19 07 2010

So things are changing indeed, as always. Stability is just a dream in the life of a humble grasshopper like me. But there are changes and changes and some of them I might like, some of them I might fear while with other ones I totally disagree.
The human soul is allergic to change, I know. We are tainted in a world based on simple and repressive stimuli because we are just primates, isn’t it? So if it’s the case, it’s normal that changes are scaring and debilitating. But that’s not the point, the point is what one feel and what I feel at the moment it’s just that I’m lost. I am not sure when this happened, a few weeks ago maybe a month? Who knows… it’s just that I’m submerged by doubts again and I feel lost. Is this my life? My purpose? To please and suffer? It’s maybe that I’m too romantic and I percieve all this like a life mission while it’s nothing but nighttime action?
Do I really have to experiment the full lenght of ownership to the point of total abandon or could I be just set with a small portion of it, scratching the surface of a much deeper issue?

I have no answers to these questions, as usual. But I do feel that anything but the extreme is not an option because there is always an element of escape and what I don’t want is exactly that, escape. My mind is split in two, one is simply bored and just want to stay home, the other is looking for deepness. It’s the domesticated against the wild, the social acceptable vs the unspeakable…
And I feel that the second must be embraced totally, with no regrets and no amibguity and a certain degree of pride.
Everything else is just somehow less powerful, a lesser epiphany. And hence is not worth a try.

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