Calm me. Hurt me. Hug me. Beat me. Now.

30 05 2010

I was on the tube today to reach a park where I had a little walk. In front of me a young couple with a pretty child. He was blonde and cute and smiling and happy. I’m sure he was happy. Yet he was playing a very interesting game: He was in front of his mother and he was constantly teasing her, faking a slap or a pinch, showing no fear in overpowering the parent. He was trying to subvert the power flow, he was also learning that there are things that can be done and other that cannot, that there is something called “a reason” for it. But he was doing it with innocence, the innocence of the Fool, the unnumbered tarot card.

As I watched him a song started in my earphones. And that song was, somehow, like a flying beetle of Jungian memory (whoever will get this reference MUST write me an email lol). He stroke my mind with the simplicity of all the good answers. It was like magic.
So I did’t get to the park, there was no need for it. I didn’t stop at the right stop and I waited a little bit the song to finish and the next one to come, filling my mind with that sensation of achievment, somehow revelation.

And now that I am here, naked on the floor as I am instructed to not wear any more anything while indoor, I somehow feel something has moved on, another mechanism has clicked. While I heard that song I saw myself like the child, fighting an impossible war but not less than important for the construction of the next self. Like that child I saw myself teasing and testing to see when the slap will come and how and how painful will be and how nice will be the reconciliation after that.

It’s a game of life somehow, it’s something I can’t fight because is something I can go through to emerge different and new and yet the same.
It’s just strange that to understand this one must be on the tube, with a random song in the ears and a random family in front.
And you were right. It’s nothing that can be explained. It can only be experienced.
And it will hurt, I know, and I’m scared. But then I’ll learn and I’ll be better somehow.

And that it the song. I know I know… it’s Disney. But strange are the ways of the cosmos? Aren’t they? LOL 😉

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