On little things like trust

3 10 2009

This week have been pretty interesting. Through training and experiences and also confrontation with other people, I came to realize my place.
The formation of a slave mind, I guess, must be at least difficult.
What I can say happened in my life I didn’t assume it was a very typical submissive dynamic, as it looks like it is.
With this I am not saying that all the subs and all the slave are similar, far from me to think like that… we do share something though, not only the need of obey.
I am very interested in what happens in our mind at a certain point. Like me, right now, that I realized I am what I am – a slave craving for his Master – and looks like other things are loosing their importance somehow. It hasn’t be a sort of epiphany to be honest, it was just very gradual… and the wind of change was an emotional one, when I was angry and sad for someone too distant, feeling his absence like a real pain.
I never had this feeling before and that made me think something was different, something was changed. My crave for worship, my desire for control, were just exposed and took contro. I had to sort out myself to avoid to feel even more pain. It was interesting though, very interesting indeed.
But what made me change my mind and look for this life is of a simple spiritual matter.
So I guess we should define what’s spiritual and what’s not… and here it’s the problem, how to connect BDSM to a spiritual path.
It’s not a problem for me, I can see the connections, it’s a problem to explain maybe. But I’ll try.
A spiritual path is, simply, a very personal experience of something more than the mere physical word. I am not intrinsically saying that there is another world or another plane of existence, for I don’t know that for sure, what I am mainly saying is that this are personal experience of a different type of ones we everyday have. I don’t necessarily believe in God or a certain amount of Gods, I just merely state that our brain can be set to a different pattern somehow and that lead us to see the world in a different way, to even experience it under a completely absurd point of view. Something very similar to what a recreational drug can produce.
I guess we all agree on the fact is a purely biochemical reactions… being endorphins or adrenalines or a cocktail of hormones, it’s a biochemical reaction started by our brain/cortex/whatever since every emotion/reaction/whatever is basically a cocktail of hormones.
That being said, what I felt one day, under a heavy session of flogging, was a sort of ecstasy. I sensed there was something more behind that door.
Ok, we all agree that it’s nice to cum like mad, we all agree that whips are nice, nipple play is wonderful and so on…
But what if that is nothing compared to what can happen when in that state? When the pleasure takes all your body?
They call it subspace and that’s indeed a deep spiritual experience. You’ve never experienced it? Neither I completly, I just sensed it was there but something stopped me before going. I wasn’t ready to let myself go, I wasn’t in the right hands to understand what was happening.
So is that what’s behind the corner? The feeling of ownership growing to be even a feeling of complete possession? The pleasure of pain to the ecstasy of it? I’ll see. I’ll let you know.

In the meanwhile what I have is just music.

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One response

3 10 2009
RopeTop

Discovering who you are, what you want and searching for those elusive elements that make you feel complete are all part of your personal evolution.

Every moment, every decision, every action changes us. We are all our own Masters, and yet also at the mercy of the random challenges that the world throws at us.

Those experiences and individuals who help you along the path you want to travel will lead you in your transformation.

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