It’s just a shade

20 08 2009

I see now what the problem is… there’s no black and white, we know that. Yet there’s a line to divide my usual life from my kinky one.
In this days I’ve seen the line, I saw the difference from what I am and what the people see in me… could you imagine that behind this cute face, there are so unspeakable desires? I don’t hide them, nor I lie… it’s just that I can’t tell to anyone what I feel, I can’t speak or ask someone about this feelings or about their experiences in this field… I feel lost today.

As he spoke to me and he told me I am cute and he likes me, I understood where’s the problem… he doesn’t see I’m a slave, for he doesn’t even know what I like.
Speaking with him, a hot man who’s interested in me (sort of a miracle since I’m here no one ever approached me) showed me that I can’t. I can’t confine myself again in a box of self remorse, in a cage of self imposed purity… what I am is what I am so I have to follow my trail.

The line is there, traced on the floor.
I’m waiting for the right moment to cross it.




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