On matters like trust

3 08 2009

I’m listening to a powerful song, a sweet song, a song about life and streams of memories and lives. It’s like a noise, a voice to disrupt my thinking. For today was less a leaking and more of a thinking.
Having read what I’ve been asked to read, I’m full of curiosity and questions, yet sure that the answers won’t fit or won’t be useful yet.
The stereotype is that in a Master/slave relationship what really matters is trust, mutual trust.
You don’t get it until you find yourself scared and you don’t feel your trust is well placed… after that nothing really matter, you want to find someone that degree of trust you so highly and deeply want to give.
It means giving someone total control, giving someone the key for your mind, your body and ultimately your soul.
From here, from the point I am now, that state looks beautiful… looks deep and meaningful.
Sure is not free of questions, sure is not free of fears… but it’s the kind of feelings that you know will have a relieve only from arms strong enough to hold you and guide you through the pain, metaphorically speaking.

And now I have to shut down the music, for is driving me away from  my task, a daily task that it’s in place to remind me of my position and of my role (one might notice how far I am from calling it “my nature” yet).
Today we spoke of many things, but what we ended up is about decisions… my dislike of decisions… the extreme freedom of giving up decisions, any decisions, to be free of being oneself only, without any further masks or hiding…
That’s somehow the thread that lead me to start to investigate my submissive nature, sort of a romanticist dream of being one day held to a point in which is not me to lead my life, but someone else, allowing me to be myself without fears, completely open.

I’m far from realizing if this is possible. I read it can be possible, on that email, but reading is far from feeling. It’s just absorbing and processing.

Io che no ho capito niente tu che non mi basti mai che mi dai tutto (It’s me never figuring out  / it’s you being never enough but giving me everything)

That’s the song. She’s speaking of herself like I’m speaking of myself. Myself. Io. Quite a curious choice of song indeed…
But I won’t try to find a meaning to just chance, not yet.
Now I have some curiosities to figure out.

Just about time.

Now playing: Gianna Nannini – Io
via FoxyTunes




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